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Surprised by the name of the blog? Since being diagnosed with cancer, the most frequent question I have been asked is, “How are you feeling?”. My response, “I’m feeling well/great/good.” I am so grateful for the countless individuals who care and inquire. Periodically though I sense a tinge of skepticism in the voice of the person to whom I give this response.
This leaves me with the question, “How am I suppose to feel?”
Would you be shocked if I said I feel joy? Would you doubt my authenticity?
Scripture does after all say, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” (James 1:2, 3 NIV).
The definition for cancer when typed into google says, “The disease caused by the uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body.” These are cells that respond in an unexpected manner. They multiply at an accelerated rate.
The definition for joy from the same source says, “The feeling of great pleasure and happiness.”
Combine the two definitions?? “The uncontrolled feeling of abnormal pleasure and happiness.” Cancerous Joy. Joy that is unexpected and multiplies at an accelerated rate.
Unlike cancer, from which we don’t really know the cause or origin, I do know the origin of my joy. My faith in a loving God whose son Jesus Christ has secured heaven both now and forever for me. Faith built on an authentic, candid relationship with Jesus.
I am already seeing God be glorified through allowing these circumstances to minister to others–both people I already know and new people I would have never met. If you want an opportunity to minister, then respond to unexpected circumstances in an unexpected way.
I believe God is providing me an opportunity to pursue new depths of intimacy with him.
This blog will be a journey of authenticity. It will be the full story as I walk the road of testicular cancer. If you don’t care to read the details of what some might consider personal, this may not be the blog for you to read. I believe that truth is liberating.
Despite the title of the blog, if I am not feeling joy, I will let you know. My prayer is though that struggle won’t rob me of joy–at this point, I don’t see how it can, but I will let you know.
As I write this, I have concern that some will assume that my response should be everyone’s response to cancer/unexpected circumstances. I can’t say that. Others may have a different process which is just as glorifying to God. In fact, I write this with a great sense of humility, recognizing I have no real idea what’s ahead.
All I can say for now though is…Cancerous Joy.